where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
