Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
