Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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