I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
