Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
