The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
