I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
