He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
