life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
