I'm going to jail i love you
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
