i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
