At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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