He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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