Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
