Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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