I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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