Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
