I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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