oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
