The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
