I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
