So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
