so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
