just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
