and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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