you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
