What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think a kid would responsible me up
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
