i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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