the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
