his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
