she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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