your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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