I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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