This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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