We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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