This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
