Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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