capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
