well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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