this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
