So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
