you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my being single is dangerous.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
