I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
