She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
