it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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