i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
