If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
