He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
