Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
