i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
