I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
